Change; The underestimated action…

When I’m forecasting the weather, the most important factor I consider is the overall controlling pattern that is resulting in the daily weather. For instance, right now in the southeast where I live, the weather pattern is triggering fairly significant storm systems every three to four days. When these systems pass by, we generally have been seeing much-needed rainfall. This pattern was established back in October and will likely continue into January. This is quite a change from what we had been seeing in Middle Tennessee for much of the year; record drought conditions. Now, the rains have returned and the drought, while still here, isn’t nearly as bad. The weather conditions improved because of a fundamental CHANGE in the controlling weather pattern.

Now that we’re soon beginning 2008, what in your life do you need or desire to CHANGE to make better? Instead of writing down a quick list of resolutions, make a CHANGE list. Take a few hours and really consider what is causing you stress and anxiety. How can you reduce this in your life? What can you do to improve your relationships? How can you improve your financial situation? If there was just one change in your life you could make, what would it be? Write these things down. Then, on a clean sheet of paper for each one, write down steps you can take to make these things happen. Next, take MASSIVE action on your plan. Some people will do steps one and two but then take little or no action on the plan and then wonder why life isn’t getting any better. Change requires thought to figure out where you want go, planning to figure out how to get there and then action to move toward it. Simple program but for some reason, most of us just stay stuck where we are. Too bad. I can just about guarantee this: If you don’t change, neither will your life… Are you o.k. with that? If not, CHANGE the way you do things in 2008. If you do, you can find your life becoming amazingly better. Are you o.k. with THAT?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Back to CHARLIENEESE.COM.

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When your relationships become weakening mesocylones…

What the heck is a mesocycle, you ask, and what does it have to do with relationships?!?  Great question…

There is a young couple that my wife and I know that moved away from our hometown a few years ago.  They seemed like a happy couple with a healthy marriage.  We recently received a photo Christmas card from the family but the husband is no longer in the picture (literally).  Turns out their marriage ended earlier in the year.  I was very sorry to hear that.  While I don’t know the specifics of what caused the divorce, it did make me think about something.  Here’s where the weather comes in…

A mesocyclone is a rotating storm.  Mesocyclones can strengthen into full-bore supercells which in turn can produce tornadoes.  They can be very destructive and are not taken lightly by meteorologists when they show up on a radar screen.   But today, I don’t want to focus the potential danger of mesocyclones; I want to focus on their life cycle for a moment.   

Once a mesocyclone has formed and is in the mature stage, it can only continue if the circulation stays strong.  These storms are an amazing interdependent system of wind, pressure and moisture.  The strongest ones can even overcome external forces that work to tear them apart.   But during the weakening stage, the rotation begins to slow, spread out and pull apart until eventually it dissipates. 

Relationships can be much the same – they often resist the outside negative influences of the world when they are strong but fall apart when spouses begin to pull apart from one another.  Take the following scenario…  You begin to withdraw emotionally and physically from your spouse because he or she seems to be focused on something else more than you (i.e. career, money, hobby, another person, etc).  Your spouse senses your withdrawal and coldness and responds by spending even less time with you.  In turn, you get even more frustrated and close your emotional door even more.  Now, your spouse does the same.   This keeps happening more and more;  them more closed-off you are, the more focus your spouse places on those other things that make him or her happy.   Pulling away has led to even more of what was causing you to be upset in the first place.  Eventually, you only seem to argue with your spouse during the few times you speak to one another at all.  This is a very dangerous cycle.  The more you close off, the more your spouse does too.  Eventually the relationship weakens, slows and separates just like the dying mesocyclone.  What once was a formidable force that could resist the outside negative influences of the world is now just a whisper in the wind.  Sad.  What’s even more sad is that much of this “pulling apart” of the relationship can likely be avoided, but it takes guts and it takes willingness to swallow some pride.  If you find your natural reaction is to pull away when your spouse seems to be doing the same, one of you HAS to stop and turn around or you’ll both keep going in opposite directions.  One of you has to begin running toward the other rather than continuing to run away.  Show your spouse that you don’t want to go in this direction and begin working on the real problem at hand, which is whatever is causing the hard feelings in the first place.  Far too many relationships vanish into thin air simply because one person won’t take the time, make the effort or let down their wall of pride and turn around.  I’ve found that those with the most successful marriages don’t get caught in this cycle of walking in opposite directions.  Talk about your problems.  Don’t be passive aggressive.  Share your feelings.  Don’t get defensive when your wife or husband voices concerns.  Listen and then work together for a solution.  If you need to, seek outside counsel.  This obviously wouldn’t solve all marriages but it sure would help many.

So, there’s your answer…  That’s how relationships can be like weakening mesocyclones.  Don’t let yours become one…